THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
