so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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