My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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