We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
