Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
