I need to stop coming to work sober
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
