whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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