i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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