She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
