She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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