i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
