Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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