i think my mom watched the whole time
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize