they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
