I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize