Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
