I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
