I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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