I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
