let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
