if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
