im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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