For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
