i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize