Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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