you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
