hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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