You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
