i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
