Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
