omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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