I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
