If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
