I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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