the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
