So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
