life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
