I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
