eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
