its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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