By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
