At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
