He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
