omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Randomize
