I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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