Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
