Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
