she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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