one might say we're banned from that church
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
