Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
