I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
