I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
are you so shy because you have an std?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
