do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
nutella sex= disaster
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
