But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
