There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
