when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
