one two three fourrrrnication!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
