I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
