I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
