dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I touched a dick in church today
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
