I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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