You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
