She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
