so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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