I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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