we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
