If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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