Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Randomize
