I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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