Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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