I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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