She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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