Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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