Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
