Where is the hickey?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
