from now on my penis is your penis
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
