Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
