pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
