it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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