Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
