how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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