dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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