Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
