he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think I sprained my soul last night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
