Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
