does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
