I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
