Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
