well you can't waste a boner
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
there was a trapeze. enough said
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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