sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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