So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
