Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
