we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Dick very happy bro
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
