She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
