Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
