I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize