Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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