I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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