I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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