I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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