You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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