Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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