Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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