my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
